Time zone changes are confusing. For everyone.

Dad: "You're never online anymore."
Me: "What are you talking about? I'm online all the time."
Dad: "But at 6 in the morning, the computer would make a ping sound and a box with that silly picture of you scuba diving would pop up. You'd say [puts on high-pitched fake girl voice] 'hi,' and it was so cute. I miss our early morning Google chats."
Me: "Uhh... that's because I was in India, and it was 3:30 in the afternoon."
Dad: "Right. So what? You're telling me you're not awake at 6am anymore?"

Not anymore. A month out of India, and I'm over the jetlag and adjusted to US Eastern Standard Time. Which naturally means I can't get out of bed before 10am.

Living bilingually

I leave India in less than 24 hours. I should probably write some sappy post, but I don't have the emotional energy for that right now. It induces too many tears. I'll try to write something when I get home, I suppose.

One of things I'm going to miss most about India is living bilingually. Now, don't take this to mean I am bilingual and fluent in Hindi. Abso-freakin'-lutely not. I am faaaar from fluent and am reluctant to even call myself proficient (though people tell me my high intermediate/low advanced/able-to-get-by-and-have-slightly-above-basic-conversations level actually is the definition of proficiency).

Regardless of my proficiency or lack thereof, I will miss the frequent code-switching into Hindi. I'm going to miss joking about the dearth of shakarkand (sweet potatoes) with my local subziwallah (vegetable salesman), interviewing members of the Gujjar tribe about their way of life while walking in the foothills of the Himalaya, asking my tabla teacher about the tabla-making industry, chatting with families sharing my compartment on trains, and even, yes, bargaining with autowallahs. I'm going to miss all of the basic, everyday interactions that take place in Hindi, from ordering daal-chawal for lunch to flagging down a cycle-rickshaw to shopping for kurtas.

I'm also going to miss speaking in Hinglish, from false-flirting with Ahluddin to discussing Arundhati Roy's pro-Maoist politics with Surabhi. And of course, I'm going to miss injecting individual Hindi words into my English speech (or "chutnefying" my English, if you will)--although I'm not sure this will be an easy habit to drop when I get back to the States (I apologize in advance!).

Living in another language, even if only half the time, is a lot of fun. And in case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm going to miss it.

...I'm going to be that weird white girl who seeks out Hindi-speaking people at the Indian grocery store, aren't I?

Transition: it sucks.

Bad news: I leave India on August 11. Waaaaah I don't want to leave!!

Good news: I land on American soil on August 12. Pretty excited for a fully-automatic washing machine and dryer (no more handwashing clothes! no more monkeys stealing my underwear off clotheslines!) and showerheads with hot water (no more cold bucket baths!). Ok, and maybe I'm excited to see my family and friends, too.

From India to the United States, from working/traveling to studying. This transition is going to be super tough. I'm already dreading the giant American grocery stores (reverse culture shock is worse than the initial culture shock) and the endless problem sets (I've always hated homework, and now I'm out of the habit).

I'm handling this transition terribly. Just thinking about the fact that I'm leaving India sparks a flood of tears. I'm going to be a complete mess in the airport. I'm already a mess.

I'm spending my last 10 days traveling around North India visiting some friends, to say my final goodbyes. I already said my goodbyes to a few people in South India, including Prashanth and Indrani (but I made the grave error of not going over to Tamil Nadu to say goodbye to some Pondi people), and a Delhiite who won't be around later, Anand. The prolonged process of saying goodbye really, really sucks. Not only because the whole leaving-India thing feels drawn out this way, but also because the goodbyes could be permanent. I like to think it's not, but I really don't know if or when I'll be back in this country, my home for two years. And it is precisely this uncertainty of return that is giving me a nervous breakdown about leaving.

In conclusion, transition sucks. :'(